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Working out co-parenting conflicts after divorce

Divorced San Jose parents who think they will leave their conflicts with their ex-spouse behind after the marriage has ended may find that co-parenting creates new conflicts. While parents may work out careful schedules around custody and visitation, that scheduling can be upended if one parent decides to move nearer a new partner. More conflict may arise if the new partner and the other parent dislike one another.

While the instinct of the parent who has not moved might be to simply refuse to cooperate with the other parent, this is harmful to the child. Parents who have reached this point might want to consider mediation. A mediator can allow parents to work through any number of issues around the move including how to help the child become a part of their new community, how to reschedule transportation and even what to do if the child’s bond with the parent who moves means the child would rather live with that parent.

Anger at a former spouse long after the divorce is not uncommon and can fuel these conflicts. However, parents must make an effort to separate that anger from coparenting and aim to raise a child who is healthy and well-adjusted.

Other issues may arise when parents share legal custody. This means that on major issues such as religion, education and health care, both parents have input. During the divorce, parents may want to address some of these issues and include them in the parenting plan. These might range from whether the child will attend a public or private school and who will pay in the latter case to how often the child will attend religious services. Parents might also want to include a plan for working out conflict after the divorce is final.